Wednesday, October 31, 2012

My Own Plan



I'm lonely
but if you know me
you know I'm comfortable
in the back of your mind
where time ticks a fist
and glides a blade
across the veins
in my brain
that still carry your scent.

Man made whiskey
and whiskey invented chivalry
when blended with man,
when blended with me.

I'm sleeping alone
in a selfless trade to bargain
between a god and devil
that never cared enough to exist
but if no one bids no one wins.
So who gets the keys to me?
I guess I would
and I'd like a joyride
across the desert.

I made whiskey
and whiskey invented misery
when mixed with my faults,
when mixed with memories.

At Mercy's End



How should I feel about love
When I destroyed you
When all I did was love you
And undress shadows
So they could feel your light again
I made this mess a monument
To moments that grabbed us
By the throat
And we still breathed
We still breathe each other in
Everyday through memories
Still left on our skin

Sometimes




I get too low
To love myself
So I leave that
To someone else
I waste my time
On wasted nights
Below the waists
Of vagrant lights
Against myself
Against your skin
I fall from rage
And into sin

Behind Bars I



There's nothing I can say to move
Into a new a direction
I am without your heart.
This is a reoccurring moment
Where crucifixes mock my tears
And nothing is majestic
But everyone's infected
By every word I slur.

Selvolution



I'm busy nose diving
down a path where the wind
is made of glass. I'm burning
my icons and pissing
on their memories.
It's not my choice, my intention.
It's a cerebral dependency
on malicious intelligence.
A dependency for which
I'd chew an iceberg to be rid of.
But still I move
through a lake of brown bags
and thoughts of the past
with no aim and no chance of return.
If socially this is to be called
self destruction,
universally it must be
simple evolution.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Wasted Ears




All I want to hear
is a symphony of broken glass
mimicking my flooded brain
in the same chorus
that laughs at staying sane.

All I want to hear
is a symphony of floorboards
crying with me every night
into the same chaos
of tomorrow's light.

All I want to hear
is a symphony of carhorns
mocking every stab I take
in the same vein
that maps out my last mistake.

Meter of a Broken Man




Maybe chains suit me better
than a world away from pain
and to always live letters
than a word away from sane.

Blame it on the limbs of glass
stuck inside these walls
from the ghost I call a past
that pirouettes like elevators; rising as I fall.

You make me want to start a war
against daylight and dreaming
and turn off every star
that you might be seeing.

If nothing is forever and that's all I'm worth
at least I'll live and die my truth
But no matter how close you search
I'll always be that lost forever for you

A Definition of Bliss




I just want to watch myself burn
across the floor for you
because no one hates me quite like I do.
I'm not sure why I'm wrong
or where my sense of morals went
I don't know how to change my scent
but I can't stay this way.

I just want to watch you turn around
but I can't see the sun under your shadow
and I can't breathe a word within your gallows
I'm not sure why I let you leave
or when my sense of love disappeared.
I don't know how to care without fear
and I might stay this way.

Dirt Cynic




I need sobriety
to know who I am
like a poet in a coma
needs a fucking pen.
Find me a man who doesn't drink,
I'll find you one that doesn't think.
Find where I hide my misery
and you can dump it down the sink.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

My Mistake II

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I drank so much whiskey
because everything burns
and I thought if I cauterized 
the last memories of you
I could stop the feeling
in my heart.

My Mistake I





I drank so much whiskey
I could blend in with scotch.
Never did it to ease a pain;
I was born a little numb
and lost feelings over time.
But you were so different
that dead nerves came back to life
to feel you- all of you.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Glass Bottom IV



I wonder where the whiskey goes
after I wake up sober as the rush hour sun.
But I know it all went to my heart, hopeful.
Filling fissures forever for the night.
But never in my wake does the bottle
keep its face locked onto mine.
I'm a mime in a dungeon
of darkness and noise.
Alone, tortured and useless.
I hope you never have to try
to forget anything as hard
as I try to forget about you.

Practice Makes Perfect



I'm learning how to die happy
One drink at a time.
I'm learning how to love harder
One buck at a time.
I'm learning how to sleep better
One pill at a time.
I'm learning how to kill demons
One shot at a time.
I'm learning how to live longer
One lie at a time.

Alaskan Winter



Tonight I met a girl
who loved the way I spoke and wrote.
She told me not to be so serious
and write about something happy
like glitter and unicorns, shit like that.
I told her those things are irrelevant
and perhaps if my world contained those
then I'd write a fucking rainbow on her ass.
But as it is my reality is an Alaskan winter.
Cold seventy five percent of the time,
dark as hell and I'm an alien.

Five Five Blondie



Tonight I met a girl
who said she would fix me up.
I must have looked broken.
She said she would pour light around me
until I could see myself; what I am.
I told her if that's necessary
then I know what I am. I'm a shadow
and if you've seen one
I might as well be timeless.


A Timeout Tavern Blue



Tonight I met a woman.
She laughed and called me cute.
I took a drag and a sip of neat No. 7
without taking my eyes from hers.
She asked if I wanted to get out of here
and go some place quiet.
I thought, more than anything
but thats impossible.
I put the cigarette out on my wrist
and downed my drink
without taking my eyes from hers.
Then I left.

The Pickup



I live immediate.
Always late and uneven;
Never looking ahead.
Maybe evolution skipped me.
Maybe you should too.
I'm not a man your father wants to shake hands with.
I'm not a boy your mother wants to cook for.
I'm a one heart festival of floor spinning visions.
But at this moment, just for you,
I think there's room for two.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Glass Bottom III



When the body is numb
the mind still pains.
It's a bit like an octopus tentacle
clinging to your esophagus;
a reality too persistent to swallow.
A sorrow too sorry to forgive.
It's not that I'm sorry at all
so my sorrows are just pigs
making a mess of the artistic presentation
of my invisible sobriety.
It doesn't make a difference.
When I'm drunk I'm insane
and when I'm sober
I'm just a mannequin
with a brain.

The Glass Bottom II



Where'd the world go
when it left with you?
Mine went down and rose again,
smooth, from the dead;
I fell with it and woke up
in the mouth of a river
of my own vomit.
Not one of my best moments
but it beats pissing in the wind
backwards down the sidewalk.
I had an overwhelming feeling
of rejection from you;
from death.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Glass Bottom I



I slammed the Stoli bottle
on my desk like a gavel,
judging angels; judging me.
I let the hundred proof heat melt
the cold words in my throat;
the cold thoughts in my heart.
It's not a battle; not a war nor fight.
It's a luxurious apocalypse
of personal proportions.
One that can't be stopped 
by intervention
divine or otherwise.

The Perfect Relationship



If you and I are both made of glass
then we're tinted and diamond-proof.
We're aerodynamic
the wind can't touch us;
can't cool us down.
Like the way our hands latch
together sharing blood
until our palms are clammy.
Like the way our bodies snap
together sharing heat
until we both sweat.
We're tempered to a degree.
Until something pushes one of us
and the other just says fuck it
eliminating it from existence.
We're chipped by the past,
cracked by mistakes and
scratched by the gore of steamy nights
but not a single blemish from any fights.

More of an Observation



In your absence
I found more
than I've ever lost.
I found love as true
as it is mutual.
I found stars
in glass jars
and life in old scars.
I found me without you,
without why and grass
without lies but with dew
that felt warm
against your cool side.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My Winona



So much for love songs
Everything I sing about you
Comes out slowed down and slurred
Like my hands on your hips
In the back of your kiss
I'll never know your full extent
And you know it kills me
Almost as much as I already do
How lovely could this be
If history repeated one last night together
Tell me you lost all those feelings
And maybe one night I won't need a drink
And maybe one night I might get some sleep
Without that I'm stuck here forever
In your weather whether I come down
Or I stay fucked up
At least I made your heart melt for a minute

Now and Again



I'm sorry that you were so perfect
So perfect for somebody else
And every time I see your face
I hate it, I hate myself
I hate the way it stays inside of me
Our pasts are just too much to handle
Our future never stood a chance
But let's not make now the night
To give love away

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Aim for the Breeze




She has the smile of a cobra
And fangs like piano keys
The oceans of her eyes
Speak hard and she tells me
I waited too long
To end up next to you
To end up losing you
To the wind

Raquel




Why would you touch me
If you were playing the ghost
That manifests in lonely times?
If I ever had a need of you
I'm sure you'd have
better things to do.
As a matter of fact,
I would too.